I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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