I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
