Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
