if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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