whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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