ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
