Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
