Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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