"it" just moved
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
