Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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