I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
