i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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