this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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