She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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