She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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