I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
