I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
