i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
