I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
