You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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