4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
