it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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