i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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