Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize