nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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