You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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