Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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