Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
