It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
