put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its not stalking. its research.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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