just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize