We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
