She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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