i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
