So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
