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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
