Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I touched a dick in church today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize