i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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