the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
