I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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