Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
do herpes really smell.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
