why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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