i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
