Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
