Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
