Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
