I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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