why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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