He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
