we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
