its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
