Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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