i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
