I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
