haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
