note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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