Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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