I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
