I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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