i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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