I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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