"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
