i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize