Will you blow on my dice?
I'm really into asian looking animals
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
