I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
