Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
